Open letter to Avalanche Studios

Dear Avalanche studios,

I don’t have much time so let me be brief.

First GOOD NEWS

Your computer game Just Cause has one of the best ecosystems ever seen in computer games. I seriously thing about that this year not to go to vacation on our seaside, but free roam around San Esperito and jump with parachute. I hope there is some cookie in the game like it was in San Andreas and I can open some hidden sexual material. If not then I will be not (won’t be… prokleta tajnica nesposobna) disappointed.

Yes, this game has some minor bugs.

justcause.jpg

justcause2.jpg
ingame screenshots taken by dr. Onyx

But this could be solved with some quick patching with if sentence like

If (HOME)LAND=TRUE Then
PLEASE NO BOAT
End If

And now THE BAD NEWS

Here I must hit the nail on the head directly with (sledge) hammer. I am talking here about Mission 19 “Taking out the Garbage” Vol. 1.

First I must proudly admit that I have been playing computer games for last two decades. And two decades I mean for last twenty years or so. I started with unpatched ZX Spectrum and his (probably it’s) Atic Attac and Jet Set Willys and letter (tukaj ne vem kako se pravilno napiše pozneje) I bought my first PC compatible with Intel 286 cheapset. In all this period I have finished on hard level Doom 3, Call of Duty 2, F.E.A.R, Total Overdose and even Redneck Kentucky. To name just few. And not forget to mention. I finished also GTA San Andreas up to 89%. Last two years I have respect on 100% with standard deviation 2% up and down. Mostly down.

But I get stucked in Just Cause. Mission 19. Like total moron.

I have spend already some 5 hours with this mission and have make countless restarts and there is no progress. With other words I get killed every single time I start this mission. I have feeling that the game has no control over player experience in this mission and action all around is just pure coincident. Once I got hit in boat, then I got hit with car and “mission failure”, they took me down with SAM missile when I managed to steal the chooper, supersonic jets had also killed me using bombs. I have no solution here.

I can’t sleep no more, I feel like I am total failure, I start drinking and I will get depressed. I feel it. Belive me.

But this is not the major point of my letter.

The point is that I read on the web that you are doing Just Cause 2. I hope you will invest some more time in level design and then and only then this game cut be one of the best on market. There are games, which are masterpieces. And are average games. And sometimes I simply don’t know what to say.

Your sincerely dr. Onyx

P.S.
Translation was done by my undersecretary and there could be some minor bugs and missinterpetations. This days is hard to find reliable worker on labour market.

EPILOGUE:
I have new good news and now is two to one in favor of good news. I did it. I fucking finished this game. In first try when I read walkthrough. The only reasonable approach to this mission is to steal the helicopter. This screenshot of last scene is my only prpof that I killed “IL PRESIDENTE” with planted explosive during the free fall.

ricoangry.jpg

But I am still not quite happy. Why?

ricoflyunderwater.jpg

I managed to park supersonic aircraft even under the water.

If you need sharp beta tester for Just Cause 2 you know where to find me. 🙂

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3 komentarji to “Open letter to Avalanche Studios”

  1. EnXeN Says:

    😆 end lejter 😆

    A se mi samo zdi, al si v angleščini vseen mejčkn močnejši od Grosupeljčana?

  2. dronyx Says:

    Sem pa odkril dober način za hitro preverko prevoda, tako da lahko čekiram tajnico, kaj mi počne z jezikom. Stavek v angleščini daš v googlov iskalnik in če najde samo pet zadetkov s tako besedno zvezo pomeni, da je skropucalo tajnice šele šesti in zelo verjetno hudo napačen.

  3. Dr. Onyx - predsedniški kandidat » » De Profundis Says:

    […] petek pa sem objavil na forumu SLO-TECH novo temo s povezavo na Odprto pismo objavljeno na mojem blogu, ker se mi je zdelo, da mora za ta mednarodni škandal izvedeti čim več […]

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